My Story of Transformation

How I let go of everything in order to find purpose

And in the depth of my own sorrow I ultimately found my truth

The only wealth that you have in your life is the profoundness of your experience of this life. […] –Sadhguru

My name is Andrea Valgoi. I have been afraid. I have felt completely lost. I have been stuck. I have felt discouraged and unmotivated. I have felt lonely. And I am a professional life coach. One would not have been possible without the others.

For years on end, I prided myself for following society’s blueprint for success. I completed two Master’s Degrees in Engineering — one of which was in China. I worked and lived in five different countries. I became a manager in a top ten company globally. I traveled all around the world with my beautiful partner. But you know what I did not have back then? Inner peace.

Two years ago, I hit rock bottom.

I had accomplished everything to which I had put my mind, yet I was overcome with a deep sense of emptiness. I was winning at life, but losing at sleep. Something was wrong. I could not find any satisfaction in the work I was doing. There were days when I could not feel anything except an underlying current of apathy that would tinge every hour. I had no idea why or from where this affliction even came. I was totally oblivious to the cause.

The way I was coping was to distract myself with social media and TV series. I would count the hours leading up to after-work drinks. I would long for that pint of Hӓagen-Dazs after dinner. Macadamia nut brittle would always do the trick, in the moment, but then the emptiness would return.

I found myself always working toward the next promotion, buying the latest device or planning the next exotic trip.

I was unfulfilled.

Every achievement and every pleasure was faint and fleeting. “What’s the point of all this?” I would ask myself. I felt miserable. And I made sure, on an unconscious level, to spread my unhappiness to the people around me.

I was disconnected –from myself, from life.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. –Henry David Thoreau

There was a harsh truth I did not want to hear. The suffering was trying to tell me that something needed to change. But I did not know what and how to change. All I felt was sheer fear.

My intuition quietly led me to read self-help books. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay and Neville Goddard showed me there was a way out. Later, meditation allowed me to walk on that path.

Apparently, if a frog is thrown into a pot of boiling water, it will jump out immediately. But if it is put in room-temperature water gradually brought to a boil, it will stay in the pot until it dies. Something similar was happening to me. I was getting used to an environment and a routine that was painfully numbing me.

With that realisation came the need to take a different direction in life: an inward one. I had to look inside and learn how to hear “my song.” As scary as it was, I took a leap into the unknown and jumped out of the boiling water.

I quit my job.

As night follows day, so did all the opinions of the many that thought I was “throwing my life away,” “destroying my career” or “making a regrettable mistake.” I did not know then that not having anyone believe in me would turn out to be a precious gift. It forced me to believe in myself.

At the same time, the six-year relationship with whom I thought was the love of my life came to an end. I left London, my home of the previous two years, and everything behind.

I had broken free. But my heart was broken. I no longer had a partner, job or home. I felt lost. My identity had always been anchored in my achievements and status. Now I had to face the echoes of voices mocking my new title of “unemployed”.

I was terrified looking into the future when asked, “What are you going to do now?”. I asked myself, “What do I really want?” I did not have an answer. “What is my purpose?” I wondered. I did not know. I was disoriented.

I needed to heal. So I took some time for myself.

I followed my intuition and started doing things I never had the time or courage to do before. I embraced everything that was coming my way and pursued whatever resonated with me. I went to Fuerteventura and learned how to surf. I went back to studying and enrolled in a coaching program. I took stand-up comedy classes and started performing everywhere I went. I felt alive.

If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself –Paulo Coelho

I walked for 200 km on the Camino de Santiago (and wrote about it here), contemplating my life and immersing myself in nature. I spent weeks in India exploring other forms of spirituality and going deeper into meditation. I practiced silence. I observed.

I allowed myself to fully experience my sorrow, to feel my pain, to cry.

And in that place I found my truth and my peace.

I learned that everything is temporary, everything continuously changes. Suffering comes and then goes, leaving space for the joy of relief. If we have the courage to immerse ourselves in the abyss of our own sorrow, to feel our deepest emotions, then we will emerge on the other end, stronger and wiser.

I realized that our personal worth has nothing to do with the clothes we wear, the titles we carry or the things we possess. It has nothing to do with what our friends or family think of us or even the persona we created to function in the world. We are more than just our body and our mind.

Our personal worth is innate in all of us. We are whole, creative and resourceful.

I understood that there is nothing outside of ourselves that can ever enable us to become more peaceful or fulfilled. No amount of success can heal our childhood wounds. As Miyamoto Musashi once said, “Everything is within” and we should seek nothing outside of ourselves.

I learned that our personal power lies in how we choose to respond to what is happening to us. That we do not have to default to frustration or anger. Our freedom is in consciously choosing to respond with love, kindness and gratitude no matter the circumstances.

The impact that these realisations had on me was profound. I felt compelled to share it. I felt a call to help other people find their own wisdom, their own truth.

I knew I had found “my song.” I wrote shortly after:

I want to work with those who feel lost, lonely, stuck. So they realize their personal worth, so that they find it within themselves to bring a change into their lives, for them to know they don’t have to suffer anymore. I want to inspire and guide people to create a more fulfilling and joyful life for themselves.

I invested my time and resources into researching mental and physical health. I coached practice clients every opportunity I had. I earned a coaching certification from Dr. Deepak Chopra.

I became a professional life coach.

[…] Profoundness happens if what you create becomes bigger than yourself. Only if you do something larger than yourself, will you feel forever fulfilled. — Sadhguru

I now feel aligned with my purpose. I am dedicating my life to serving others. As I do so, I know that I need to continue to work on myself, to grow and to ask myself the same powerful questions I ask my clients.

I want to inspire people and coach them through their own inner transformations. I believe everyone is whole, creative and resourceful. I hope you too know that to be true about yourself.